Yesterday, on 31st of January, my grandfather on my mother's side of the family passed away.
My mom was sad and devastated. But meanwhile for me, thousands of kilometers away, I was not sad.
I was not upset.
I was not devastated.
I was not shocked.
My only response was "Oh."
Am I weird that I gave no emotional response whenever relatives close to me passed on while I can feel shock and sadness over strangers who died?
But I did grieved a bit that his time was up.
But I have no emotional response, because I have this unconscious thinking that I knew that his time would be up anytime soon. He passed away in his early eighties, so I would say that he lived a good, long life. He did the simple things in life that satisfied him everyday.
When my mom told me he died while doing a No. 2 in the toilet while the whole family was with him (sans you know who *sweats*), I told my mom "Hey, at least he lived a good long life. His only regret might have been that he died in an embarrassing manner."
My mom agreed.
She also told me during Chinese New Year, my grandfather came to our house and gave all three of us red packets with all the money he gave to his closest grandchildren. Only my little sister went to receive because me and my sis are still in UK.
Perhaps they have suspected those large amount of money in those packets were indicators that he knew his time was up?
Rest in peace, grandfather. My only regret is that I could not feel grieve, pain or sadness when grandmother died 5 years ago and now you. I hope you're delighted to see her again.