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If we were to meet, it would be Mahoroba
Darkness. Let me see a dream where I am close to touching you, Owl.
Am I weird? 
1st-Feb-2012 12:56 pm
YumenokanataeAoi
Yesterday, on 31st of January, my grandfather on my mother's side of the family passed away. 

My mom was sad and devastated. But meanwhile for me, thousands of kilometers away, I was not sad. 

I was not upset.

I was not devastated.

I was not shocked.

My only response was "Oh."

Am I weird that I gave no emotional response whenever relatives close to me passed on while I can feel shock and sadness over strangers who died?

But I did grieved a bit that his time was up.

But I have no emotional response, because I have this unconscious thinking that I knew that his time would be up anytime soon. He passed away in his early eighties, so I would say that he lived a good, long life. He did the simple things in life that satisfied him everyday.

When my mom told me he died while doing a No. 2 in the toilet while the whole family was with him (sans you know who *sweats*), I told my mom "Hey, at least he lived a good long life. His only regret might have been that he died in an embarrassing manner."

My mom agreed.

She also told me during Chinese New Year, my grandfather came to our house and gave all three of us red packets with all the money he gave to his closest grandchildren. Only my little sister went to receive because me and my sis are still in UK.

Perhaps they have suspected those large amount of money in those packets were indicators that he knew his time was up?

Rest in peace, grandfather. My only regret is that I could not feel grieve, pain or sadness when grandmother died 5 years ago and now you. I hope you're delighted to see her again.
Comments 
1st-Feb-2012 07:56 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry that you Grandfather passed away :'(
I'm pretty sure there is nothing wrong with you and that you love him very much! He knew and you knew that his time was coming to an end. He wouldn't want anyone to be sad over him anyway.
1st-Feb-2012 08:02 pm (UTC)
But at least I know, his pain and suffering through the illness on his old stage has finally stopped. I think in his mind, all those things we helped him on, he didn't liked it. He might've gave a sigh of relief knowing that he isn't a burden to anyone around him anymore. Who knows? I'm just happy that he died surrounded with those who were there for him on his last stages and he can finally meet his wife again.
1st-Feb-2012 08:07 pm (UTC)
Well said!
1st-Feb-2012 08:13 pm (UTC)
;w;d
2nd-Feb-2012 10:31 am (UTC)
Rest in peace.. sorry to hear that~ all my grandparents are already gone.
2nd-Feb-2012 05:35 pm (UTC)
I accepted that that's Life and Death. We can't be as lucky as them to have lived that long. If we do, let's live our lives in a simple, satisfied manner day by day. ;w;
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