Following some circumstances and been thinking about it I decided that my user page is
If you want to be my friend, I only accept people who often comment in my fanfiction and/or reply back my comments.
Your second choice is to comment here and explain why. I'll think about it. Nicely.
My fanfiction archive is in blacknwhitefics, if you want to know where it is...
For the last 2 times I visited there, truth be told, I always feel excited at first. But then when my excitement wears down, I always tend to sense that I overstayed my welcome, even when in reality, I'm not. But that feeling still lingers to me, and it makes me feel like an asshole, I get scared, and wish that I leave as soon as possible.
I actually really like to visit markets, looking at meats, fruits and vegetables and food made and sold there. But lately whenever I visit the Borough Market and leave, I feel like my experience going there is like a disappointment. Sometimes I feel like I'm threatening people's lives for their jobs and duties whenever I open my mouth and say something I shouldn't say before quickly defending myself to make sure that I don't fall into more trouble than I should with my stupid mouth.
But just as much as I feel like an asshole for doing that and admit and agree that it's the employee's right to intervene when I break the rules right in front of them or admit it out loud, sometimes I think of what it's like to oblige the rules and laws made out of fear rather than respect or nonchalance.
At the same time though, it makes me think that I should stay at home rather than go outside and offend a whole lot of people from my stupidity, naivety, and ignorance. Which makes me feel shittier in a couple of hours than I do in a day or two.
That's allー(· A ·)
My second year in Uni started. And so far, I literally have not felt like I've done much during my summer holidays, even though I did, but they are few and far between.
At the same time, I feel frustrated that I only got 4 KenxHyde stories posted so far, and haven't been writing with my favourite pairings. It doesn't upset me that there's not many Jrock pairings that really interested me since 1) they're the mainstream pairings, 2) some of my favourite writers have not been active, and 3) although there's a shit ton of other fanfiction to sate me, they just don't really satisfy me.
I feel like I WASTED MY MONTHS NOT WRITING AS MUCH AS I USED TO ON AN AVERAGE PER MONTH (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
I think at the very least, I should try to write, finish and post them. I itch to write.
I want my mind to go beyond the story that's been playing over and over and make new ones, no matter if it's domestic, a little dirty or adventurous.
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
I thought that feeling of my heart dying in me was familiar. It's the me that felt her world shattered apart in 2010.
I don't feel betrayed at all with how KENZO is leaving AYABIE. It's his decision, and his to take. I just feel like something died in me again.
Ayabie is really a band that I should not have been bonded to too much in the past, because the bad news that they give really, really hurts. I know that they're almost like other bands who don't really explain all that much of their decisions, but the ones that do shows a bit of honesty and reason behind it. I think that's what makes their announcements for bad things hurt so much.
It tends to be those bands that have been established for a while now that hurts the most.
And I think that suddenly, the direction of where my plotting mind is going is going to be scary. I don't like that, but that's how my mind works.
Welp, time to put the decision on how to deal with my OTP, KenzoxAoi. I either write them or put them down in hiatus for the moment to mend myself up.
That's allー(Q A Q)
I checked on the final results of the recent Malaysian election. Honestly, since December, I was not entirely surprised that BN will win with the way rigged elections go. I even told that to my parents and their friends and my high school teachers, and they agreed with me. However, there's this sense of disappointment inside me. ( I'm asking myself on what are the disappointments.Collapse )
That's allー(· A ·)
I'm kind of suffering a slight headache which might be either from inhaling too much carbon dioxide or the strobe lights giving me a slight epileptic side effect. Or both.
Anyway, I can explain it as much as I can before my mind will erase part of it. Bear in mind that this is my first live report, so I'm not good at explaining the details as fine as most do.( To the report that I try to salvage?Collapse )
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
Today I had a dental implant for my lost teeth. So far the first stage was quite fast to finish in just an hour or so. It wasn't so bad having a metal crammed up to my upper jaw, despite the dentist letting me see snapshots of my gum got cut to reveal the membrane inside it and how he explained that the surgery could've failed if the bone cracked by the metal during the bone grafting session.
The reason why I only know that after the surgery was because I requested to have my eyes covered over by a sheet so that the less I see, the less I know and worry.
It was only when the anaestathic began to wear off that the nightmare started.
First, agonizing pain. I don't know if it's the same or worse than that time when I had my wisdom teeth extracted. But since I can eat small bits of food, that is somewhat a shining light. Because of the pain, I can't smile or pull my upper lip up to assess the damage. Even my huner got stave off because of the pain.
Next, blood. Constant bleeding. And just to add the nightmarish element, a blood ball was formed and it looked horrible, as you can imagine. Crimson red bordering to black. Then it fell off and landed on my tongue when I was napping to take off some of the pain after taking painkillers.
I know unimaginable pain will happen after the surgery, but it still hurts. There was so much blood in my mouth that I got pretty used to the taste by now. I feel as though a membrane is trying to grow around my front teeth in order to heal the soft tissues....
That doesn't mean that this should pull you off from having dental surgeries, because eventually it'll get better. And hey, a metal crammed up to my jaw to become part of the family.
I've had root canal surgeries, had a dead tooth pulled off, got my wisdom teeth extracted, and now a dental implant. I'm more used to having a needle stabbed to my mouth than on my arm. So I'm somewhat hardcore to tolerate through all that pain.
Now I just need a week or two to get over with the pain.
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
Here's what's going on in my mind:
Conspiracy me: I KNEW IT! THEY'RE SCARED OF THE MAYAN PREDICTION TOO!
Common sense me: No. They're stopping probably because they're no longer sure on what to do.
Conspiracy me: WHY WOULD THEY SUDDENLY STOP, HUH?
Common sense me: Management problems, 'musical' differences, anything. Mostly, you can already tell that they don't know what to do once they've done everything in their list.
Conspiracy me: SO THE SIGNS OF THEIR BAND ENDING HAS BEEN THERE ALL ALONG! WHAT ABOUT THAT WEIRD DRAMA THEY MADE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?
Common sense me: It was probably their idea, or management's. I don't know!
Conspiracy me: LOOK AT ALL THESE BANDS THAT ARE DISBANDING HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE! IT'S A FUCKING RECORD THIS YEAR!
Common sense me: This year is just probably having a depression since last year and many of them probably couldn't finance their activities.
Conspiracy me: THEY'RE ALL SCARED! SCARED AS HELL--
Real me: SHUT UP YOU TWO!!!
Conspiracy & Common sense me: *freezes*
Real me: It's already announced and there's nothing we can do but painfully accept it, okay?! =^=
Conspiracy me: Okay...
Common sense me: Sorry...
Real me: =^= *tears on eyes remembering what happened two years ago that changed her perspective of life*
Common sense me: I wish it didn't hurt at all when we see such news...
Conspiracy me: I just wish 'stop' and 'pause' would have the same meaning... and that they'll come back...
Real me: Q ^ Q *huggles them both* I just wish this isn't deja vu...
That is how I feel so far hearing bad news as soon as I woke up...
That's allー(Q A Q)
I have to do a Powerpoint presentation and a coursework for this term's FES, which is now called FSS, and I have two choices in my mind:
Sherlock Holmes and its impact in fanfiction or,
I didn't know what to choose at first but in the I chose the latter, because the teacher told me that Sherlock Holmes is too common of a subject... and I have no interest in Sherlock Holmes, to be honest.
So Al Bowlly and his brilliant voice it is!
And this is how I relax other than listen to Yann Tiersen and classical music |3
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
Looks like Aoi found out that his dad passed away today.
I can't really tell a person's emotion just by deciphering words. Only they can use it to write out on how they feel.
But whatever he may write and post up soon, I know that he has done what any son would do to his father by visiting him until his last days. If his father doesn't want to see sadness, that may be true that his father has lived life till its fullest after his mother died 5 years ago.
Now Aoi only has his little sister, grandmother and dog left.
As I should, I must say this: Rest in Peace, Aoi's father. You've given us a man to be loved and an artist to be respected. And in return, you gave him someone to look up on as a role model and a father.
I think this quote is quite fitting on when we realise that people will
leave us someday. Though I'm not sure if the Queen would say that since, well, we expect that royalty doesn't cuss or swear. But still, fitting.
- Tags:aoi from ayabie
- Music:Prelude and Fugue No. 1 in C major, BWV 846 from Marga Scheurich-Hanschel - Bach
I've just read Manabu's new blog entry...
06/29(金) Zepp Tokyo
■AREA 15th ANNIVERSARY
info:H.I.P. 03-3475-9999 / http://www.hipjpn.co.jp
Ayabie together again for one day for the first time in two years...? O A O
It's been two years.
DENIAL MODE: KNOB TURNED OVER 11 AND BROKE OFF THE MACHINE
I... I just can't believe that they'll be on that stage in Zepp Tokyo for just one day... And they'll be practising for a few days before that date...
Wouldn't... Wouldn't it be awkward after presumably that they have not much contact for the last 2 years?
I've been a fan of them for 3 years now, and even after my heart broke seeing them separate in order to go on and I still supported them, my mind seem to can't take that info in too well that the possibility of that short reunion is there.
I don't even know if this is big change or not ._.
Someone console me? ; A ;
That's allー(; ∀ ;)
PS: Would it blow my mind for me to think if that might be the other Aoi (the GazettE)? ;w;
PSS: MANABU, DON'T LIE TO ME, I'M STILL QUITE SHOCKED BY THAT ANNOUNCEMENT.
It's been a year by now. I can see that many are still struck by that horrible event that happened a year ago. But we moved on, no matter how painful it is to look back and reflect on it.
I've seen what happened on the internet after that. Scandals, fools using the Pearl Harbor and karma references, the aftershocks, the radiation, the grief, the strength to repair the nation, that sense of hopelessness etc...
Seems like we've seen it all, eh?
But even now, a year later, my yearning to go to Japan never died. My parents, especially my mom, doesn't want me to go there in fear of the radiation and cancer. Maybe they know that no matter what, I'm still seeking for a place that I can call it truly "home"?
Then I thought, why do we think of ourselves before others? The Japanese and many others are already suffering from it and they'll never know when the side effects of radiation will get to them. And yet, despite the anger and frustration of knowing so little of how bad it is, we can still see, that like us, we want to never forget, but always remember that life goes on.
I love the country that I was born in, it's home in a sense. But it's also not the home that I want to live on, so in the future, I want to let myself wander and find out where and when can I settle down. I love Japan too, because it's one of the few things that helped made me discover and learn a lot of things that we never thought about or overlooked.
We never forget events that shook our lives in this generation.
It has been a year now, my friends. Let's live our lives to the fullest no matter what.
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
- Tags:my journal
- Music:Each Today Is Yesterday's Tomorrow - Moondog
Then yes, I did changed my layout.
If only because my Acid Black Cherry picture for removed by Photobucket of all things, so the next best thing that I can find other than Plastic Tree was Sugizo. But it was better than having a black screen all the way >w>;
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
I've been lacking a pair of scissors since I lost my pencil case weeks ago and recently my correction pen yesterday, so I decided to go to WHSmith to buy them along with a new pencil case.
When I reached to the self service checkout to buy them as if it's normal, that's when the problem starts.
Apparently, there was some restricted stuffs that I'm buying and when the staff arrived to assist me, she asked me for my ID. I asked her what's the use of my ID for and I'm 17. She said that I can't buy it if I'm not over 18.
What the fuck?
...I mean, what the fuck?
I've been buying correction pens and scissors since I don't even remember when. I use scissors because some packets hate me because it has jagged sides and even then, it doesn't want to open for me. I need correction pens because I used black pens more than pencils these days. And why the fuck is there a restriction in not allowing me to buy them? Clearly something is just plain wrong here.
It's not as if I can use them to harm myself. The scissors are more useful for cutting than stabbing and slicing. The correction pen has fumes that can already tell you of its danger of swallowing it.
What's going to happen to me if I use them at all? I stab myself in the eye and then swallow some correction liquid because my arms decided to no longer listen to my body and instead turn against me?
Really something is wrong here if the UK government can't trust its own and international youth under 17 on using them. If the damn government can't entrust such simple things for them to use, it's no wonder lots of them are unhappy.
I hate that age restriction shit. What harm can it bring upon you unless you know how to control yourself? You can't have other people control you.
That's all =w=
Yesterday, on 31st of January, my grandfather on my mother's side of the family passed away.
My mom was sad and devastated. But meanwhile for me, thousands of kilometers away, I was not sad.
I was not upset.
I was not devastated.
I was not shocked.
My only response was "Oh."
Am I weird that I gave no emotional response whenever relatives close to me passed on while I can feel shock and sadness over strangers who died?
But I did grieved a bit that his time was up.
But I have no emotional response, because I have this unconscious thinking that I knew that his time would be up anytime soon. He passed away in his early eighties, so I would say that he lived a good, long life. He did the simple things in life that satisfied him everyday.
When my mom told me he died while doing a No. 2 in the toilet while the whole family was with him (sans you know who *sweats*), I told my mom "Hey, at least he lived a good long life. His only regret might have been that he died in an embarrassing manner."
My mom agreed.
She also told me during Chinese New Year, my grandfather came to our house and gave all three of us red packets with all the money he gave to his closest grandchildren. Only my little sister went to receive because me and my sis are still in UK.
Perhaps they have suspected those large amount of money in those packets were indicators that he knew his time was up?
Rest in peace, grandfather. My only regret is that I could not feel grieve, pain or sadness when grandmother died 5 years ago and now you. I hope you're delighted to see her again.
2011 has passed by so quickly within a blink of an eye. I lived through it day by day, thinking of how slow it is the day ends before another day starts. Now I looked back, I was surprised that I managed to live by it quite well.
2011 is a very shattering time as so many things have happened. The good that is underestimated everyday, the bad that seems to be on the news for weeks at end.
There were times that I try to see things on both ways, sometimes it makes me cynical, sometimes it makes me think further, to find the cause behind it instead of raging at it all day long. Sometimes I just said to myself: "It isn't worth to be angered over because that's what they want to do on you." Political news, both local and international, pretty much made me change my views. Now I often hear plans made by the government I take it with a grain of salt.
If I hear a good plan that sounds too good to be true, I become suspicious as to wonder is there a hidden motive behind it. If it's bad, then I see on the causes and reasons on why it's bad.
I passed by my 17th birthday with greetings of Happy Birthday by you guys, and it made me happier than spending time with my family this year due to bad decisions which made the rift between me and my mom more apart.
I'm sorry that I'm late to tell you all thank you. ;w;
In just a few days after New Year, I have to pack up and leave for college in UK. I don't know if I can cope with it or not, but I want to be sure that I can. And when I come out to face society, I want to be able to live independently.
I know the recessions have made life sound miserable and hard to live by, but that doesn't mean it does not have opportunities even in a disadvantage. I see things opportunities in good and bad times, and if it's there, I'll take it and see what I can do to succeed.
Ahhhhh~ Now I talk too much like an adult. Time for me to fangirl on one thing that I still never left behind XD
What? You think I'll never stop calling him cute at all? XD
That's allー(· ∀ ·)
I just received a message from an Russian LJ user called dreaming_voice
from my inbox asking for my permission to translate my BREAKERZ fanfics into Russian for Russian fans interested in the band and the members. I wanted to reply back but since she had set her options into private messaging, I got no choice but to post my reply here:
Sure! When I read that you'll credit me, that's what makes me more comfortable to know :3
But I'm a bit of a worrier, so the questions here are:
1) How many BRZ fics are you going to translate from my fanfiction archive?
2) Just to be sure, when you're going to release its translated version, can you show me a link of where you're going to post it?
But really, I don't mind. I just worry that somebody's going to plagiarize my stories in other languages. It happened to a few of my friends in here ^^;
And again, I'm less worried now that I read what you wrote :3"
I'll set this post in public to let her know it and hope that she'll reply back to me in this post :3
Changed my layout :3
Sorry Maonyan, I like you as my layout, but it was getting boring.
And I needed something to spice things up a bit xD
That's allー(· ∀ ·)